Habits of Love

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” Rumi

Valentine’s Day is a day where we traditionally think of romantic love. But I wanted to think about love from a Feldenkrais perspective. When I read this Rumi quote I immediately thought of a Feldenkrais lesson. Not because I’m obsessed, but because that is to me, the essence of what we do in a lesson.

What are your habits around love?

  • We all have different ways of feeling loved. 
  • For some, you’ll feel connected with words of love. 
  • For others, you feel in tune with someone else through touch, whether hugs, kisses or skin contact. 
  • For others an act of service means more: when the person you love does something for you. 
  • For some receiving a present is the way you feel cared for, and others you prefer quality time together. Space together to receive undivided attention. 

What’s your ‘love language’? If you have a partner. what’s theirs?

There are many different ways of giving love. Even if some don’t resonate for you, they may resonate for your partner or friend. (In some ways, it’s not important what kind of relationship we talk about here). 

The effects are the same: if we write off options that aren’t our habits, we may miss a proffered connection. When we miss opportunities we can feel more isolated, less connected.

Let’s imagine if you love quality time, and your partner feels moved instead by acts of service. They bring you breakfast in bed, but have to rush off as they need to get to work. They have given an offering of love that they would like.  After all, breakfast in bed is an act of service. 

But as someone who loves quality time and is eating breakfast alone you might not feel their intention in that moment. Maybe you’d feel hurt by being left alone when you wanted to spend time with them.

If we only see our preferred option as the only way of being loved, we can miss out on connections that others are trying to make. And make our world a little smaller if we reject what is not our habit. 

In understanding the intention of someone else, we can appreciate their offering more. When we accept there are many different ways of giving and receiving love, it can be easier to enjoy the acts of those around us. Even when it isn’t our habitual way of sensing love.

So, rather than a movement session this week, I’d like to suggest a little enquiry into what you need to feel loved. If you have a partner, what they need, and note where it’s similar, and where it’s different.

Understanding more options widens your field of vision. And in Feldenkrais terms, allows us to notice our habits, barriers that we put up, and ways to break habits that don’t serve us well.

Sounds interesting? Come along to a class, workshop or book a session!

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