The festive time will be upon us very soon!
For some of us, it is an only joyful period, spending time with friends and family.
For others, the closeness to family might bring up less positive emotions. We can feel pulled into old patterns of thinking and behaviour. Ones we thought we’d left behind in our childhood. The challenges of family can also mean that people lean into conflicts. Others continue down well worn paths that trigger anger or sadness.
So what can we do other than limit the time we spend together?
We can stay embodied. We can keep a thread of attention on ourselves. I like to give this a shorthand: “Can you feel your bottom?”
Let’s make this an experiment. As you read these words, can you feel your bottom? From the inside (not with your hands). What do you sense of the contact of your sitting bones on the chair (if you’re sitting down). Or the elasticity of the pelvic floor as you breathe in and out. Maybe you can feel the squashiness of your buttocks against the chair. Or something of the boniness of the bones of your pelvis? Choose the part of your bottom feels easiest to sense for you. And keep a little attention there as you continue to read.
Does this change the way you feel, or breathe? You may feel that the words got smaller, as if you have a little more sense of your eyes looking out of your head. If you’re not used to the sensation, it may feel a little strange.
You may have feel that after a moment you took a deeper breath. as if connecting with your bottom or pelvis allowed your breathing to be a little deeper, or fuller. Only without you trying. Perhaps something draws your attention. Just notice what feels different, if anything. Keep your attention there as you continue to read.
After all, you’ll need to practice this to be able to do it when with others at will. You could try putting on a half hour timer that does one ping. And each time draw your attention back to yourself. To your bottom. Don’t worry if after a few moments you lose the connection. Just gently draw part of your attention back again each time. Without judgement or criticism. We want the sensation to be simple as possible. You sense the connection, hold it gently, and each time you lose connection, you stop sensing your bottom, nudge it back.
It’s learning to divide our attention in a different way. We’re all skilled at dividing our attention, although perhaps not like this. It will take a little practice to fold into your normal way of being. But hopefully its a simple enough idea you can hold on to, or re-find when you forget. And you will. That’s OK, it’s part of the process. When you notice you’re “out of yourself” you can once again reconnect your brain with your bottom. And then sit back, and see what changes.
You may find if you do this when you’re talking to other people their volume goes down. (They won’t feel it, if you’re still paying some attention to them.) The more of yourself you sense, the quieter their words can be. Very useful for conversations you can’t escape. Your attention to yourself means that the words take their time to arrive, and be received. In those milliseconds of space is your freedom.
You might feel how they move you with their words will change. Their ability to move you off your centre changes as you shift attention to yourself. When you feel your bottom is your ability to sense your breathing clearer? Or have you stopped breathing (a sign of strain in the system, and moving away from cognitive to instinctive responses.) If you can feel if you stop your breath, you can start again – after all, we’re not going to think well, or have space to respond, when we’re not breathing in a regular fashion.
Personally, I used this technique in negotiating my divorce settlement. With a pretty angry ex-husband. Every time I got pushed off-centre, I couldn’t sense my bottom. So I would pause, either in the room, or would take a toilet break. I’d reconnect to my centre, with the request to “sense my bottom”, and return to the conversation.
When we’re connected to our physical self, it can be easier to steer our responses. To not immediately react with long worn habits of communication. It can be easier to breathe, to take time to process, even choose to ignore barbs. Then we can concentrate on connection where possible, and damage limitation when not.
It might feel a little premature talking about it now, at the beginning of the month. But it will take time to create a new habit, one you can use in the moments of stress. So put on your timer, get practicing, and I look forwards to feedback after the festive period.
This month’s free lessons will help you connect to your pelvis to start with. And in this month’s weekly lessons, we’ll be building on last month’s work around the pelvis and connecting it to the breathing.
Join us! Trial lessons are free – the links are below. Would you like more information before you join? Contact me for a free short discovery consultation
Give me a ring (07939277189), or send me an email.
If you’d like to read the other articles you missed this month, go here: https://themovingbrain.com/blog/
This month’s free audio lesson is helping you find connection to the pelvis. It’s one of many Iessons I teach as part of my Reducing Anxiety course.
This has a two-fold effect- helping to increase your sense of your pelvis, and to improve mobility.
The important thing is that you start very small, and go slowly. The movements should feel nice and be within your comfortable elastic range.
https://we.tl/t-zCU0px53uv
(This will take you to wetransfer. Click on the link and it will safely download to your device. The link is available for a week.)
NB: If you choose to take part in a lesson, you take responsibility for your own comfort. Only move in a way, and as much as is comfortable and feels nice for you.
What did you discover? Let me know, I like to get your feedback.
Transform how you move, feel and live 