We tend to think of self-compassion and kindness as soft skills. But that belies their power in our learning process. We should be kind where possible, but sometimes we need to draw clear lines in the sand. Create clear boundaries. Protect ourselves, and look after ourselves. Many people put others before themselves, thinking martyrdom is the same as compassion.
The ability to help others hinges on our ability to have energy to give. On our ability to look after and help ourselves. To have ways of fulfilling ourselves, in order to have capacity to give.
Connection between less self-compassion and anxiety
Many who struggle with anxiety often have a great deal of self-criticism available. Along with less self-kindness and less self-compassion. Forcing yourselves forwards, being hard on yourselves is one way to get things done. But not the easiest, or most enjoyable. It also adds excess strain into the learning process.
It’s easier to be successful in achieving our goals if we’re moved by self-compassion rather than self-criticism.
We can think about providing supports and structures to learn with. Rather than imagining its all about self-discipline. Being kind to ourselves, accepting mistakes will happen, not judging ourselves unkindly will all help us move out of our comfort zones to keep learning and growing.
As some of you know, I’ve had my own journey with anxiety, and self-criticism.
When I spent some time working through my own issues, one of the greatest skills I learnt was to treat myself as a friend. To talk to myself in the same way I would talk to a friend. To treat myself with the same kindness and compassion I would want to offer to others.
It’s the same with our learning. When we do a Feldenkrais lesson, we can choose how we explore our movement. With force, or with curiosity. With kindness, gentleness, ease, or with pushing, forcing, or straining. One reinforces our belief that we can only strive to achieve. The other showing us there’s an easier way. When we make friends with ourselves on a kinaesthetic level, its easier to adapt that to our thinking. Or our self talk. We learn faster, we can get better results by giving ourselves time to process, sense, and feel. When we sense it in our body, it can be easier to start internalising the conceptual idea in our minds too.
Our language matters.
Words inciting hatred have an easy move towards physical violence. We’ve seen that recently. Those that entreat compassion help us find more ease of movement and thinking.
It seems not just we as individuals could do with that, but also our wider world right now. But we can only start with what we can control. How we explore our movement on the mat.
I look forwards to seeing you there.
the Feldenkrais Method with Emma Alter 